Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Prostitute in Distress

Quick Disclaimer: I'm talking specifically about sexually frustrated, self-proclaimed nice guys who are angry at women.

Is the damsel in distress actually just a glorified prostitute? This morning I was contemplating Heartless Bitch's piece on nice guys and the nice guy relationship with sex. It seems a lot of these nice guys are sexually frustrated. The most absurd element of the frustrated nice guy situation for me is that it doesn't seem very "nice" to help a girl out and expect some kind of romance in return.

"However can I repay you for saving my life?" "Well, I can think of a few things we could-" "Oh I'm not interested in you like that. Here's some cookies, let's just be friends."
Well doesn't that just bite? If you're a nice guy, probably. While these boys not unlike many girls have bought into the fairy tale concept of love they got confused about why women fall in love. It is suddenly shocking when in real life they find their troubled little lady, swoop in to comfort or teach her and she runs the other way. But, it isn't the ni
ce guys that should be insulted it's us, the ladies, who ought to cry out with indignation. We're accused of wanting bad relationships, even jerks because we're not buying into this concept of a relationship. This concept that says that kind acts deserve to be repaid with sex or marriage. It's freaky when you think about it and so wrong. It's wrong because sex shouldn't be about paying up. It shouldn't be about giving Mr. Chivalrous Savior Guy what you owe him.

It's no wonder that so many women are sexually unresponsive and unsatisfied. How much pleasure can we take in doing what at some point became our duty. The prince wakes Sleeping Beauty up and when he wants her to "thank" him, she's supposed to be excited about it? Yikes.

Furthermore, the problem with Knights in Shining Armor is that they project needs onto the object(s) of their affections. Because they're looking for someone to save, they often go around rescuing cute girls that don't need rescuing. They would like to believe the tender, fragile (hot) souls they are pursuing are not independent people who can want them or not, but women who need them. Thus enter the frustrating rejections. It is not the nice guys who ought to be frustrated though, because what woman wants to be a fixer-upper or a project to be worked on? Otherwise, they find themselves in a relationship acting like a doormat, when it ends they feel cheated because they devoted time and energy to someone only to see her run the other way. The entire time, he is trying to fix, to save, and to help that which doesn't need fixing or saving. While he thinks himself noble for putting his lady up high on a pedestal, she's still reeling from falling off it.

Of course, it's insulting to be the object of a nice guys' affections because they so often want you to be his "good girl" counterpart. Ever notice how those nice guys like to think you're a shy, timid thing? As if it isn't bad enough to be a person in need of a man, now you're a his counterpart. The only one who needs saving is the poor schmuck who goes around trying to find timid little girls to play the part of his girlfriend. He already has an idea of what girlfriends do, he's not trying to find an autonomous person, he's just casting you in a role.
What woman hasn't dealt with this? It sucks to be infantalized by a peer and plenty of my male peers have done it to me, all of them were the nicest guys. I would need a notebook and one would gallop in with one in hand the next day, I would be interested in a book or CD and a nice guy would show up and lay it at my feet-- a humble token of his affection.

I've found these guys everywhere. They sit and stare me down in class every day post-rejection and I'm never sure if he thinks I'm feeling guilty or lucky to be in his spotlight. They'll infringe on my privacy and offer to do things like pay for me when I don't actually know who they are. Yet, they always want a prostitute to their good will. They don't pay because it's nice, they pay to impress and if I have boyfriend they assume he's somehow worse because I chose him. Yeah, nice guys are just too good for the rest of us, they don't get rejected because they go around asking women to repay their supposed kindness in sexual favors, they get rejected because they're just too damn good. It has nothing to do with a girl simply not choosing him as her sexual partner, it's because she wants to be treated like shit. He doesn't "finish last" because she's looking for a good guy who isn't a martyr for her affections, it's because he's not rich or handsome enough. It's because every girl is a prostitute and somehow he paid and was so nice he let her walk away without putting out. He will make any number of excuses and explain the reason for his pain any manner of ways just so long as he avoids responsibility for it. Of course, that's easy when every girl is a prostitute waiting to pay up on her debt to men.

1 comment:

  1. Oh man, this rings so true. I've been in this relationship, and it's fucking annoying on a good day. How can you possibly be expected to be happy when your partner doesn't see or hear the real you at all? You could easily replace yourself with a cardboard stand-in, and it'd probably take him a day or so to notice. ARGH.