I was not born a Feminst. In Utah, I became one

A moment in the life of a feminist:

Penis: (laughing) Are you a feminist?

Me: Yes. Are you?

Penis: Oh well I don’t know that much about it. So what do you do? Hate on men?

Me: No.

Penis: Aren’t you too pretty to be a feminist?

Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah I Don't Want You to Spend Tax Payer's Money on NOT Teaching

The 12-11 vote by the Senate Finance Committee came over objections from its chairman, Democratic Sen. Max Baucus of Montana.

Two Democrats - Kent Conrad of North Dakota and Blanche Lincoln of Arkansas - joined all 10 committee Republicans in voting "yes" on the measure by Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah.

The measure would still have to pass the full House and Senate. Hatch said abstinence education had been shown to work, though Baucus disagreed. Obama had proposed in his 2010 budget to direct money spent on abstinence-only education to broader teen pregnancy-reduction programs.

As a resident of Utah and a feminist I am so disappointed. I'm sick of Republicans telling me how anti-government spending they are, how concerned they are about government programs and then turning around and supporting government spending on a program that teaches morality NOT science or safety in sex. In fact, it doesn't really teach at all. I'm not saying the Democrats are these frugal, infallible, politicians with all the answers, but at least some of them are actually bothering to look for some answers instead of give cash prizes to supposed health teachers that just finger-wag and have us color in pictures of male/female genitalia with Crayons. I'm not even kidding. That is what I did my very first day of school in Utah. The education I got in California was slightly better in that I heard what lesbians were, had heard of masturbation, and saw somewhere what condoms did even though I had not idea what a condom looked like or what really went on in masturbation, except that I thought it was something lesbians might do. I wouldn't have even heard of condoms for years and certainly not from an adult if it hadn't been for my 6th grade CA sex ed. class. I even, gasp, saw what the phases of pregnancy entailed. Provided, even in California, a supposedly progressive state, a male marriage counselor came in to tell our class how having sex with a woman before marriage gives boys a free ticket to disrespecting his wife. (I even got to play the wife who had foolishly given her husband "permission" to disrespect her by having sex with him.)

I'm going to go punch some glass now.

Coffee

The other night after a concert on campus my friends and I were taking the student shuttle up campus. There was this group of rowdy Japanese kids, the one with stylish bleached hair was standing behind me in this crowded shuttle and he proudly showed me his shirt which had the Starbucks logo, but was altered to say "Starfucks" "Have you heard of Starfucks? Starfucks coffee??" He asked me.
"Never heard of it. Is that where you work?"


So I know we could talk for a long time about sex workers, and so on. But... c'mon! The girls he was with exploded in laughter. He replied, "I wish!"

Seriously F*cked Up Book

Have a New Husband by Friday
So I haven't read this, and I don't really plan to, but the implications of the cute heart by the word "New" and then in red scroll underneath there were the words "by Friday." Yeah. That just freaked me out.

So being all freaked out, I clicked the ad because I had to know, "Really?" The descrpition goes on to explain that by simply changing yourself you can turn your husband into Mr. Perfect (I guess at that point you could change your name to Mrs. Perfect). The best part? It's "easy to swallow."

Oh and it's of course written by a man. Because who better to give women advice on what we ought to do?


The best part of all comes next when the publisher describes the book, this was actually supposed to help sell it. Ahh how easy men are to control...

Monday: Secrets Revealed: Cracking the Male Code• Yes, you're different species, but you can work together in harmony.
Tuesday: Creatures from Another Planet...or Creatures of Habit? To understand men, you have to track 'em to their den.
Wednesday: Think about What You Want to Say, Then Divide It by Ten How to talk so your guy will really listen...and listen so your guy will really talk.
Thursday: Think of Him as a Seal Waiting for a Three-Pound Fish Why making love to your man is a key to who he is and how satisfied he'll be, and what's in it for you.
Friday: It Takes a Real Woman to Make a Man Feel like a Real Man How to open your man's heart, revolutionize your love life, and turn him into the knight you've always dreamed of.

(Emphasis Added)

From the assumption that men have a secret "code" that women must decipher (because men shouldn't have to understand women it would be too difficult for their man-brains, that or his version of communication is much better since he's.. you know.. a man) to the idea that the house you live in is his not your's too, this book is insults everyone on so many levels. "To understand men you have to track 'em to their den."

The absolute worst is when you are told to think of your husband as seal and sex as a big fish he devours-- the "key to who he is and how satisfied he'll be." WRONG! Sex is not something you give men to turn them into knights. And men and boys actually have an identity outside of sex, despite what we're told. (These days some of them don't even roam around raping and pillaging all day-- some of them, like, have jobs and thoughts and emotions that relate to something other than their last burger!) Sex is something you might actually enjoy if you weren't imagining your husband as a big seal. The advice that tells women to talk a tenth of the time and shutup and listen to their husbands' words (oh Gloria! If only these people actually read that essay, Men and Women Talking) and the idea that you need to be a Real Woman(TM) in order for him to not be a piece of shit is repulsive-- this book looks like an incredibly insulting exercise in bringin' back the patriarchy (the big dumb, sex-crazed, easily manipulated patriarchy).


And I saw it being advertised on the Psychology Today site. WTF?? And after a google search, my first hit was at ChristianBook.Com. I'm not a Christian, but I wasn't aware that there was anything Christian about telling women that they can manipulate their fucking stupid husbands by shuting up and spreading their legs. And other Christians seem to think the same, no matter how anti-feminist they are.

If You Haven't Seen This Already...

(I'm not sure how anyone who would find this blog would have missed this video that has been viewed at least a million times, but that's not important.)

Feel Good Moment

I made on my friend's wall on facebook reguarding the beginning of semester:

Yeah. It started last week. I feel so tired. Beginning of the semester is rough. I like being social and getting to know people, but you know that about 80% of the people you get to know now will splinter off by the end of the year to go do their own thing. Plus, I've noticed some particular sucking on the part of guys this year. I've already heard a joke that compares a fat chick to a SCOOTER in that they are both embarassing when your friends find out you ride them (because, if I get fat that would suck.. for my boyfriend.. because I would be more like a scooter than a person at that point.) and a crazy good dancer whose shirt said "Find It. Fuck It. Forget It." UGH! *slams head against wall* (not mine, his.)

And in reply I got this comment from a completely random guy that I don't even know:

Anya, I don't even know the context of this post but you are freakin' hillarious.

Back for the New Year

Hello, anyone who might be out there! I'm back. After a summer in China, all around the US, and back I'm in school again and trying to get caught up again. I've got a lot going on this year so I'm not sure how much I can write, but I will try. I want to be a better writer and a better blogger and I view this blog as my starting block. I'm not sure if or when I might graduate to a Better Blog or even have a better name for my blog or a customized layout or even be able to comment on feministing.com (for some reason I always get error messages.) BUT I do know that this little baby of a blog is my start.
Lately I've been reading and loving Gloria Steinem's Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions. I admire the ability and courage Steinem writes with. My only complaint and it's a minor one, is that she tends to use "men" where I think patriarchy is more applicable. What I'm growing to realize is that feminism can seem inaccessible to men because they are often grouped together as "the patriarchy" and I think that as a feminist using specific and correct language is important. We have to realize that not all men are part of the patriarchy and that it is a widespread organization that claims many female members. Aside from that, I think this book is already changing my life and how I view feminism. I realize now how far I have to go and how far I've come in my path toward feminism. How complex and challenging some of these ideas are and how much I need to expand my understanding of them. For example, the fact that it isn't worthwhile or feminist to view being "one of the guys" as better or preferable to being a girl, how being a woman in a male-dominated profession is a bitter-sweet victory and how successful women alone are not enough. Feminism asks us not only to be personally successful, strong women, but also to give that strength over to our fellow women and lift one another up. It is not enough to propel ourselves forward, in order to be a feminist you must be willing to share your victories with other women.

Well, I encourage you to read Gloria Steinem's work yourself.

Reader's Digest Amazes Me

This amazing article popped out at me from the cover of a Reader's Digest in the airport. I was amazed reading it at how sexism, in a field with a 40% pay gap between men and women effects and hurts women. The article talks about how most medicine is tested on white males, yet differences in gender (and race) play a large role in how people need to be treated medically. The fact is that men and women are generally treated the same by doctors, yet we metabolize and react to medicine differently based on our gender. But don't trust me.. read the article!!

Do men get it?

I've often wondered this and right now, I'm not sure they do.
Maybe some do. I don't know.
I'm just sick and tired of hearing about the plight of the MRA, I mean the fact is that feminists have worked so long and so hard to try and peel back people's conceptions of what being a man, woman, bi, trans, gay, whatever person is because people are PEOPLE. Feminists are, to me, humanists and anyone strong enough to carry the title of FEMINIST is so much more. Unfortunately, MRAs don't get it. And neither do most men I know. I mean honestly, they get so hung up on feminists having the femi prefix. Like having to carry a name that sounds and IS female makes it biased against everything else. Hello?

Twitterpated

It seems that everyone is twittering and I'm wondering if it's a good idea to start or not. At first I can't really understand why in the world anyone would want to follow the trivial happenings of anyone else's life. I wonder what ever happened to just asking.. In person. I've met enough people who can't communicate with out their electronic crutch to see the inherent dangers of Twitter. I like the real world and it's easy to get sucked into social networking. I know people who live for facebook, WoW, FFIXI, and of course blogs. All good things, but not at the expense of living.

On the other hand, I'd like to be read by some people at some point and I'm just not sure how to go about that. I don't want to ask people to spread this around, I don't even tell friends and family because I don't want them to influence my writing too much. I want to be able to "write nakedly" as Mian Mian put it. Twitter could help.
I suppose a lot of this comes down to effort. How much do I want to get down to business with this blog?

Puberty Funnies

My little brother is almost at that age so his school rounded up all the boys and girls to tell them what joys await in the wild world of puberty. After school on the day of the great enlightenment he came home and said to our mother while holding up a stick of deodorant, "Look what they gave us in school!" He then lifted up his shirt and smeared it all over his chest.
I'm sure he'll get the idea sooner or later. Until then, he can unintentionally provide everyone with lots of laughs.

Honestly?

So I've been having honesty issues with the S/O and I did a Google search to see if anyone else had similar problems and guess what? No. They don't.

Instead, I found a lot of fat (or supposedly fat) girls saying their boyfriends told them to lose weight and they were glad he was "honest." Fuck. That.

"Honestly, you're a jag-toothed ogre-like woman."
"Wow, thanks for being so open and honest with me!"

Of course we had the guys replying that "skinny rail-thin model types" are ugly (ahem, that would be types like me) and that they prefer "healthy" women. Fuck. That.

We have to admit America has weight issues. So let's say you look at yourself and feel like you're too fat. If you want to exercise, if it makes you feel good, I can't knock that. My suite mate has lost a lot of weight this year and she's worked hard to do that. I really admire her dedication and how it's positively impacted her-- and no, she doesn't have a boyfriend. More power to her.
But if you're losing weight because you feel so bad about the way you are, if you feel guilty after every meal, if you hate your body. That's not good.

In other words do it because you love yourself, not because you hate yourself.

Now onto the guys who use that stupid "healthy" euphemism. If I were 60 lbs heavier and it were all fat that would not be healthy. The point is that if you go around saying that being fat is better than being skinny then it still puts the emphasis on men determining my and my fellow ladies' worth based off our weight (or looks) and how healthy is that? It says that the only thing we're good for, the only worth-while pursuit we can have is to look pretty. Wrong message to send to a girl who just got told that in order to look pretty for her boyfriend she needs to hit the treadmill.

For a long time I tried to gain weight so my "rail thin" ass wouldn't be so bony and my friends would stop calling me anorexic. Guess how healthy that was.

As for the boyfriends who "honestly" tell their girlfriends what lardos they are, um. Seriously? Do we even need to address why you don't say that the one thing that makes you unhappy is that your girlfriend's fat? I mean REALLY!?

If you're into skinny girls, fine. Everyone has a right to be attracted to whoever they're attracted to. But you willingly dated this chick so don't try to pretend like you aren't attracted to your hot, 170 lb 5"2 girlfriend, this is what she looks like, just like I can't mold my white boyfriend into some kind of Antonio Banderas, your girlfriend shouldn't have to find out what you're attracted to and change to fit that. You should pursue what interests you without trampling someone else's self image in the process. It's just cruel to bring down a girl's self esteem like that. You already told her you're attracted to her by being in a relationship with her. Oh and when she starts acting insecure or paranoid you can thank all that honesty.

Marriage is not about Love

That's right. I said it. Marriage is not about love. You were tricked into thinking it was!
Here's what marriage really is: a legal contract between two people.

How is this allowed to happen?

You know what helps sexual assault victims recover?

*trigger warning*

More sexual harassment and humiliation.
via Jezebel.

Quick Hit: Why He Didn't Call You Back

Jezebel's got the first chapter of Why He Didn't Call you back and while I can't read it all now, I'm pretty disgusted with the first few pages. We'll see if I ever make it through the book.
The part where I know this isn't my brand of dating advice?

Here's a little multiple choice quiz: what's the goal of a first date?
A) To allow a man to discover the real you, or
B) To get him to want a second date with you?

(The author goes on to sagaciously point out that B is the correct answer.)

How about neither? How about "To decide if YOU are interested in a second date?" Why does everything have to be about him, anyway? The reason he didn't want a second date isn't because you exposed your "true self" which was, obviously, awful and despicable to him so he left you forever and now you're meaningless. He didn't call back because you acted like a lunatic who puts everyone's needs before your own.

More on this later.

Man Finds Out His Girlfriend has had 19 Previous Sex Partners, Whoops and High Fives Her

Seriously. Who cares? I get it though, if I were to meet a guy at my age who has had 19 sexual partners my first thought would be, "How?" After that it would occur to me that he has probably gone through sexual partners quickly.

I understand that a person's dating history is important. Like, if my current boyfriend's girlfriends all dumped him because he started telling them what clothes they could and couldn't wear it would concern me. So if a guy tells me he's been getting down with a new girl every couple months for the last few years, I might not take him seriously if he tries to come onto me, I might expect things to last about as long as his last 19 sexual encounters. Is this wrong? I think not, but only to the extent that we recognize the pattern rather than judge it and naturally, Mr. Every 2 Months might actually want to try a long-term relationship and I don't think he should be excluded from that possibility based solely on the fact that he spent a few years sleeping around.

This all makes me wonder, is the number relevant? Should we be asking our sexual partners to not only keep count, but report it? If Mr. 19 wants to to have a serious relationship with Ms. 3, can't she figure that out with out him explicitly saying so?

We all know double standards are shit. Any man or woman who thinks it's inappropriate for his girlfriend to have too many (what does that even mean?) previous partners is buying into the idea that women- or people- are worth more or less depending on how readily they'll unzip their pants and that's bullshit. Jessica Valenti in Full Frontal Feminism says we should reclaim our numbers and let our partners know the score. I'm not sure I agree, though.
I prefer not to know. I prefer not to talk about it in terms of numbers, I just want to know if they were safe and if he's recently been tested. I don't like guys to ask for my number, either. It's not about being embarrassed that there are too many or too few, I don't think that's possible. I just don't know what it does for them, for our relationship, and for me. Maybe I'm just giving ground to the patriarchy, but what's done is done and to me, it's not really anyone's business. All my boyfriend needs to know is if I did it safely-- not how many times.

Is this un-feminist of me?

Ignorance About Other Cultures

I like to think the majority of Americans are not ignorant. However, the exchange students were shocked to see how oblivious some are to countries outside of the U.S. So I'm going to quickly clear up some misconceptions.

The Capital of Spain is not Espana, Espana is Spanish for Spain. The capital is Madrid.

In Switzerland they do not speak Swiss. They Speak French and German.

Hong Kong is not communist. In fact it is the most capitalistic country in the world. China supposedly granted Hong Kong autonomy for fifty years, but has recently been working to change Hong Kong culture towards the modern "Chinese" culture that is more in line with 1st world countries.

Hong Kong is Chinese, not Japanese. They do not speak Japanese there.

Hong Kong speaks Cantonese. There are two types of Chinese-- Mandarin and Cantonese. Mandarin is the Chinese National language. Most business in HK is conducted in English.

Japanese and Chinese do not sound alike. The languages are totally different. Japanese barrows certain characters from Chinese, but also adds their own.

Ninjas, Sumos, Sushi, and Samuri are Japanese not Chinese.

Tibet is a part of China, but only recently. The "Save Tibet" stickers are there because China took over Tibet and is accused of destroying the national identity and culture, so if someone tells you they are Tibetan replying "Oh! I love Chinese stuff!" sounds really ignorant and offensive.

Some of these things are more basic than others, I don't expect that people will understand that Japanese, Cantonese, and Mandarin are so different or even be aware of Cantonese. However, people really shouldn't call an HK guy a communist when he comes from the most capitalistic country in the world. So hopefully this helps.

From Miami With Love

So I haven't been doing much hard-core feminizing since I'm on vacation and all, but I thought I'd share some fun things.
Since my travel partners are all exchange students from Asia these are a few things they taught me.

According to my friend from Hong Kong, women there experience equality in the work force and may even experience higher pay and rates of employment. I couldn't believe it, but I want to. While I had trouble finding stats, here's a link to an article that may back up his claim. It looks like Singapore and mainland China have some pretty independent women, too. It makes me want to question the labeling of countries as 1st vs. 3rd world, apparently the US is a leader, just not for women, instead the countries lagging behind are leading in financial equity between the genders. What's with that?

It's popular in Korea for women to have their eyebrows tattooed in. My traveling mate has the tattoo, I thought it was make up before she explained about it.

In Japan it is rare for friendships to develop between people born in different years due to the way the language is structured. Because there is special structure for the language between people who are even a year apart, they cannot speak to people one year their senior as they would their friends.

I also got a chance to visit the history museum in downtown Miami. It was great, I learned that Haitians do not receive the same immigration rights as Cubans and the U.S. sends them back to Haiti if they are discovered. I got to see a Haitian boat and a Cuban raft that were used to travel to the U.S. It was really amazing.

This city is beautiful, especially the South Beach area.

Oh and one more foreign fact: the Korean word for "boogers" sounds just like the Japanese for "children."

The Feminist Life

I went to the movies with 3 of my friends and the one in ROTC decides to buy us all tickets. His treat. We are at the dollar theater, by the way. (Do I go to any other?) But I'm a determined little feminist and I'd lost a bet on these tickets that I fully intended to pay off when ROTC says this, "No, it's fine, really. You're paying for him degrades him as a man."
Oh the things people say. Just to be clear, my friend won his movie ticket in a game of horse. Isn't it super manly to win stuff and compete and junk?
ROTC took my freaking money in the end and will probably think twice before he says being paid for is degrading again.

The movie we saw was Bride Wars, which had a few good jokes and was otherwise a bunch of tired, sexist stereotypes: a wedding is the most important thing in a woman's life, men don't care about weddings because they aren't that important for men (since they don't need women as much as women need them), the list goes on into infinity because this was a long episode of Bridezillas. Seriously. I didn't dream about my stupid wedding, but apparently every other woman on the face of this planet did. Basically, we're insignificant, lonely people who are incomplete until we become brides. Of course, becoming a bride brings out our true colors and we start fighting and go crazy.
Zero Stars for Bride Wars.

Today I leave for Miami. I can't wait. Sun, gators, the weather is finally not snowing here in Utah (until next week), so this is exciting.

Male Feminists

http://www.thestarpress.com/article/20090329/NEWS01/903290328

Woohoo! Shout out to all the male feminists who are helping protect women and creating a more equitable society for them.

It is so important that we hear from male feminist voices. Their input is so important because they are such a big part of the change our society needs to realize. The issues that affect women are inextricably connected to men and it's just so important that men become more vocal about feminism because there is an expectation that males are not feminists. Even worse, there is an expectation that they resent feminists.